I’m not a generally quiet person. I’m loud, I don’t find it difficult to make people listen to me and I’m confident. But some days, I cease to gain energy and I drop as the day progresses. I feel like speaking two words will exhaust me, let alone hold a conversation. I want to sleep the day away and avoid everyone. I just want to be alone. It’s a difficult way to feel when your friends expect you to remain the same person, day in, day out. I’m not that good an actress. I’m sorry.
I have never raised a blade to my wrist/arm/thigh/anywhere, pressed down and made myself bleed. I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m so squeamish and worthless that I can’t even bring myself to self harm. Instead, I scratch until my arms are red raw and the marks stay there for hours rather than weeks. This is supposedly still self harm. I don’t agree. I don’t see how you can put something as pathetic as what I do in the same category as people who cut up their bodies looking for a way to be released.